Once Upon A Time
by SparkleInTheSun
Summary: Once upon a time, but wait, this is not one of those stories. There is no Princess, there is no Prince Charming, there is just a girl, and that girl is me. I am the one who smiles and laughs, but cries when I am alone. I am the girl with secrets.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds.

Once Upon A Time

~ Chapter One ~

"Life's not as perfect as it is in a fairytale."

**Once upon a time... **

No wait, this is not one of those stories. There is no Princess and there is no Prince Charming. And there probably won't even be a happily ever after. Life is just not as perfect as they make out in those childhood fairytales.

In this story there is no wicked step mother, and there is no deep, dark forest but there is a girl. This girl does not live in a castle hidden away from the world, she does not lay sleeping waiting for that one man to come along and break her from a spell.

She lives in a small house, she goes to work, she has a small child and she is married. She smiles at everyone, she laughs at jokes and she goes out with friends.

But she is hiding something from everyone, her smile disappears when she is behind closed doors, she doesn't laugh when she is alone.

Yet she carries on pretending to live the perfect life, because maybe, just maybe, if she pretends enough then it will come true one day. Maybe.

She won't tell anyone though, she often finds herself laying on the floor in the bathroom wondering why she stays, why she lets him hurt her, and she always comes up with one reason: She loves him. She loves him more than words can say, and after everything she still hopes that one day he will change.

That girl is me.

And the truth is I, Jennifer Jareau is only scared of one thing, and that is William LaMontagne.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds

Once Upon A Time

~ Chapter Two ~

"Eventually you grow up and the fairytale disappears."

We were happy once, we had a baby and we were good together. We were happy.

And then Will started to drink. Not just drink though, drink a lot. When I would get home from a case I would smell the alcohol as soon as I stepped in through the door.

And then the first time it happened, everything changed between us. He was still the man I loved, but he was also the man I was scared of.

I remember how I felt and I remember thinking about saying something to someone. I actually don't know why I didn't leave him there and then; The logical part of me told me to pack my bags and get out of there, but then there was another part of me telling me he would change and this was just a phase. And now, I am just too scared to even think of leaving him. As long as he doesn't touch Henry then everything is going to be okay, I will be fine. Not even my friends, the people I work with, the **profilers** know what is going on and if they do then they are hiding it well.

This is just one big game, one huge secret, I can't let them know how weak I really am. I can't do that to them, I can't see the pain and guilt in their eyes as they realize they could have done something to help me.

I sigh as I get to the front door after another long case, knocking the door slowly, wishing I had taken the team up on the offer of drinks.

"Where have you been?" I jump at the sound of his voice, the smell of alcohol already evident in the air.

"You know where I was Will." I manage to say, immediately regretting it when a fist makes contact with my face.  
"What did I tell you about being away for so long? Expecting me to take care of your brat?" My head snaps up at the mention of my baby boy,

"You were the one who told me you would stay at home. You knew what my job is like." I can hear the nerves in my voice as I look up at him, refusing to give him the pleasure of making me cry as I bite my lip to hold back the tears.

"Please." I whispered,

"Not tonight." I just wish someone would walk down the street right now and save me, I want someone to know so this can all end. I cry out in pain as he grabs my hair, pulling me inside the house, slamming the door behind us.

And then before I knew it, the tears fell down my face as I landed on the floor, screaming out in pain as my baby cried in the next room. Begging him to stop and leave me alone, crying out in pain at every kick and every punch. Covering my ears as he shouted at me over and over again.

And then it all went black...

And I was happy again.

**A/N In all admittance this chapter is a little weak, but I hoped you aren't all too disappointed! **

**This will get a lot better, just background stuff first.**

**Thank you for all the kind reviews. **

**Please carry on reading and reviewing, it means a lot! **


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds

Once Upon A Time

~ Chapter Three ~

~ "The dark path to the fairytale forest lies in the depth of our imagination." ~

"Hey baby, I am so sorry." I hear him say as I open my eyes, looking around to see the familiar wallpaper of my own bedroom. It's early morning and I was laying next to him on our bed, how did I get here? I sigh, crying out in pain as I try to sit up.

"Forgive me?" I don't know what to say to him, it hurts all over and I just want to get to work and pretend again. I just want to carry on living in my own little fantasy world where everything is okay, I can't do that here.

I can feel my whole body shaking as he puts his arms around me, trying to comfort me like he had done nothing wrong. I shake my head, tears falling from my face as I try to remember a time when I was happy.

"No. Go away." I whisper, pushing his arms from around me with all the strength I can manage.

"No, baby, I will get help this time, I promise you!"

"How many times have I heard that?" I shook my head again, doing my best to get out of bed. I looked down at my body, suddenly realizing I was naked, I could see every single bruise, every cut. I cried out in pain, almost falling to the ground as I stood up on a swollen ankle. I have to leave him, I have to go somewhere where I can be safe. I have to stop pretending like everything is okay when it's not.

"Where are you going?" He quickly got up, walking over to me as I just stood there, taking every ounce of strength to just stand still.

"Work." I muttered, knowing I shouldn't turn up looking like this, Will wouldn't live to see tomorrow if Morgan or Hotch had anything to do with it.

"No, you can't do that. You know the rules, we can't let them see you like this."

"I don't care any more, you took it too far this time." I carried on walking, grabbing what clothes I could, finally sitting down in the living room to get dressed.

"I have to go baby, I have an interview today. I will drop Henry off at nursery as well. Will you be here when I get back? I will phone in work for you and tell them you're sick if you want?" I nodded slowly, wincing as the pain rushed through my body,

"Thank you." I whispered, noticing his grin as he rushed over to the phone, he could be so stupid sometimes. I shook my head, walking over to the bathroom, looking in the mirror at my new injuries. My face was barely recognisable, he had never gone for my face much before, always wanting to cover everything up.

I touched my face lightly, staring at the two black eyes, the massive cut on my forehead, dried blood surrounding it. My nose was still dripping tiny droplets of blood, and there was a cut and bruise on my cheek – probably from his wedding ring.

My lips were swollen and there were dark bruises from fingers on my neck. I winced when I touched them, more tears falling down my face.

"I am sorry you know?" I nodded, trying my best to smile at him. I tried to hide my shaking hands as he wrapped his arms around me, kissing my cheek as gently as he could before walking out of the bathroom.

I looked back into the mirror, sobbing this time, I can't do this any more. I can't live like this. One more beating like this... I don't think I could make it through. At least four ribs are broken or cracked, tears fall heavily down my face as I stare at my stomach and legs, large gashes from a kitchen knife cover my entire stomach area and some of my legs. I lift up my left arm, noticing the swelling, sighing as I realize my wrist is broken again.

There are too many cuts to count... to many bruises to think about... too many scars to heal.

I slowly walk over to the phone, biting my lip as I try to think about who to call.

**Emily**

She wouldn't be at the office yet, she was always late.

"Emily.." I whisper into the phone as I hear her answer,

"JJ? JJ what's wrong?"

"I'm sorry, I am so sorry." I wiped away the tears with the back of my hand, wondering what to say next.

"I need help, Will is going to kill me for telling you. Please help me."

"Why will he kill you?" I can hear the fear in her voice, the sound of her grabbing her car keys, and then the front door slamming.

"I am not allowed to tell anyone, nobody is supposed to find out. I can't do it any more Em, can you come and get me?"  
"I am on my way already, just stay put and unlock the door for me okay?"

"Okay." I whisper, hanging up as I walk over to the door and open it a little bit, Emily only lives a five minute drive away, she should be here soon.

~ .. ~

"Oh God, JJ what happened?" Emily ran in, kneeling by my side as I looked up at her, tears falling down my face.

"He hits me..." I finally tell her, just wanting someone to know, someone to help me.

"For how long?" She brushes a hair gently out of my face, doing her best to smile at me,

"Four years." She breathes in quickly, I can see her blaming herself but I don't say anything, it's not their fault, I am good at hiding secrets.

"You're getting out of here now, you can stay with me in my guest bedroom with Henry okay?" I nod, too weak to do anything else.

~ .. ~

I smile at my friend as we pack all my stuff in a large suitcase, moving onto Henry's room. I should have known she would help me, I shouldn't have been so scared.

And then it's as though everything stops, my heart beat gets faster and faster as I hear him call my name. I look at Emily, my whole body shaking as tears run down my face.

**I have been caught.**

I put my finger to my lips, walking out of the bedroom,

"What are you doing home?"

"Can't a husband bring his wife something to eat?" I shrug lightly, doing my best to get rid of him soon.

"Are you okay?"

"What do you think?" I spit at him, glaring as he hands me a coffee, smiling at me as though nothing ever happened, he is the perfect husband just like in my dreams.

_I wish_

"You should go to work, you're late."  
"Trying to get rid of me? Give me a minute, I just have to grab my keys." I nod, not noticing him walking towards the bedroom.

"Will! Don't!"

"What's going on?" I bite my lip, knowing what is going to come next.

"No! You can't leave me please!"

"I have too, just until you get some help." I walk into the bedroom, standing next to Emily,

"I won't let you leave."

"I don't think you have a choice." I look at Emily as she stands in front of me, her voice stern. I sigh, looking down at the floor, never seeing the kick coming.

The next thing I know I am laying on the ground, trying to ignore the pain as I hear the sound of another rib breaking.

And then I hear Emily shout.

Please don't hurt her, I didn't mean to get her involved. I didn't mean to.

And then my world went black once more.

Just like it had a hundred times before.

**& I was left in peace to live in my fairytale world. **


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds

Once Upon A Time

~ Chapter Four ~

~ "Life is just a messed up fairytale"

I woke up in the car, not sure how long I had been out for, I never did. I saw Emily in the front seat, wincing a little at her black eye and cut lip, knowing it was my fault that she was hurt. All my fault.

He let me go, it took a while to register, he actually let me go. He gave in.

But what if Emily had managed to knock him out? He would be after me and Henry soon enough? Oh God, Henry.

There are so many times I can take this.

There are only so many times I can run.

I groaned loudly as the pain rushed through my body, Emily looked at me, putting a hand on my arm as she smiled at me.

"Don't move okay? I wasn't sure if you wanted to go to the hospital or not...?" She trailed off, biting her lip in uncertainty,

"Please don't.." I shook my head, no way was I going. I cried out in pain as I tried to sit up, tears falling from my eyes,

"Don't move! It's okay, we are almost at my house. You don't have to go, it's okay, I will call a doctor." I nodded,

"Thank you." I stayed still, discovering the pain wasn't worth getting up for.

"Henry?"

"Garcia picked him up, she is probably at my house already." I smiled, whispering a thank you before turning to look out of the window,

"I am sorry for what he did to you, what happened?"

"It's not your fault, I am glad you called me. He ran up to you when you collapsed, I ran up to you as well, pushing him out of the way. He punched me in the face, and as I fell back, almost hitting my head on the table, he started crying..." She trailed off, looking at me,

"I picked you up, told him that Morgan would be over later to pick up your stuff and if he knew what was best for him he wouldn't be there."

"And he let you take me?" Emily nodded,  
"I told him to get help before he even thought about coming near you or Henry, he said okay." I took a deep breath, it was over, it was finally over.

I looked out of the window, biting my lip as I noticed Garcia, Morgan, Hotch and Reid standing outside Emily's house with Henry.  
"I had to call them." She sounded apologetic as we pulled up, I just shook my head, knowing I would have done the same if I was in her position.

I tried to smile at them as best I could, but I was too tired, it hurt too much to smile right now – not now they knew my secret. It hurt to do anything these days.

I noticed Garcia's red eyes, her dry tears as she held Henry in her arms, I noticed the concern in everyone's eyes, I had done this to them. I should never have asked for help, if I hadn't then everything would be okay with them and they wouldn't have had to take the day of work just to see to me.

I would have been okay.. Will would have stopped someday.

I sighed as Morgan rushed to open the door for me, I wanted to get out of myself but any slight movement caused me to cry out in pain much to my annoyance. I noticed that Morgan grabbed me, walking me to the door with Hotch on the other side of me as though they were protecting me.

"I am so sorry." I whispered to Garcia when we finally reached her, she grabbed me,

"I am glad you finally asked for help, none of this was your fault okay? I just wish you asked sooner, we missed you." I hated all of this, I am supposed to be strong, I am supposed to be the level headed agent who confronts the press on every case. If I can do that, why can't I do this?

Now I am just weak, feeble Jennifer.

Morgan led me to the couch as we got into the house, smiling at me.

"You need to tell us everything, okay?" Garcia said as she sat next to me, I noticed that Emily was holding Henry now, standing away from us as she looked at the scene in front of her. I sighed,

"Henry needs his afternoon nap."

"Will he be okay on a double bed?" I nodded, watching as my son was taken away into the next room,

"Everything?" I whispered,  
"We're here for you, we're family remember?" I smiled, nodding slowly,

"Fine.."


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I own a Criminal Minds hoodie...

Once Upon A Time.

~ Chapter Five ~

"Eventually you grow up and the fairytale disappears."

"It started a few years ago, everything had been fine up until then. We were both happy as you know, we had Henry and everything was working out. I don't know what happened, I guess he was just annoyed that he was stuck at home after giving up work. It just seemed like every time he came home drunk, it would be worse. It was normal drunk at first, where I thought he had a few drinks and was a little tipsy but it soon changed. He just carried on going out or drinking in the house, and he carried on drinking and then he just kept getting violent. The first time I noticed it was happening was when he came home with some lipstick on his shirt, I was mad at him and I shouted at him.. and he just lost it."

"_Where have you been?" JJ asked as Will finally opened their front door, stumbling into the house, _

_  
"Out if that's okay with you." She shook her head, standing up from the table where she had been sitting, _

"_You can't keep leaving our son with some stranger. I am fed up of it!" She shouted at him, _

"_Oh whatever, you do the same every single day." JJ laughed at him, picking up the paperwork she left on the table, _

"_I have work, I am paying the bills. And I leave him with his father, so don't lecture me." She raised an eyebrow at him, challenging him, he accepted the challenge quickly as he walked towards her, grinning._

"When did you turn into such a bitch?"

"When did you turn into such a drunk?"

"When did you start sleeping with your boss?" He shouted back at her, 

"_Oh whatever Will, come to bed when you're sober." She turned to walk away, gasping when he grabbed her wrist and pulled her back towards him causing her to drop all her papers. She cried out when she saw the mess, trying to get out of his tight grip to clean it up. _

_  
"Get off me of I will punch you." She warned him, _

_  
"No Jennifer, punch me and you will regret it." She laughed at him, _

"_I can do more damage than you could ever do to him." She raised her fist, falling back when he punched her in the face before she managed to hit him. She cried out in pain and shock as she held her face, _

_  
"Oh my God JJ, I am so sorry." She watched as he broke down right in front of her, _

_  
"I will never do it again, I am so sorry, please forgive me." He hugged her and she buried her head into his chest, tears falling down her face, _

_  
"Lay one more finger on me and you will pay." She whispered, he nodded, rubbing her back as she pulled away from the embrace to rush to the bathroom. She locked the door, not wanting him to see her cry, as she slid against the door and sobbed. She shouldn't have forgiven him, but she loved him so much and when he was sober he was different and she didn't want to leave him just because he hit her once. There was no reason to break up, they were married and they were happy with one child. This was just a bad patch, she convinced herself. _

_She looked in the mirror once she stood up, wincing when she saw the dark bruise already forming on her cheek, with a large cut from his wedding ring bleeding lightly. She knew she would have a black eye in the morning, she knew she would have to make up a story for her friends, there would be questions and they would try to profile her but she would just keep lying until they ran out of questions. _

I looked up at my friends, smiling as I felt Garcia and Emily wrap their arms around me.

"I know I was stupid for staying with him the first time, I know I am stupid for staying with him for all this time." I whispered,

"No, you're human JJ. You thought it would only be the once, it's not your fault." I shook my head,

"I am so thick, what about the second time and the third time? I should have gone.. I should have told one of you but I was convinced I could handle it on my own." I pulled away from them,

"Oh my God, why did I stay?" I shook my head as I felt the tears run down my face, finally letting myself break down,

"I am so pathetic."

"No JJ, a lot of people would have done the same, this is all his fault. You loved him and he knew that, he played on that. Everything is going to be okay." Emily whispered to me as she wrapped her arm around my shoulder,

"Thank you." I muttered, calming down a little,

"Are you okay to carry on?" Morgan asked kindly, I nodded, trying to think of the time after that, it was a few days after the first time.

"Um... It was a few days later, I was at home and so was he that night. I made him stay at home, it was one of the only nights I was actually there and Henry was asleep... I thought he could manage one night without anything to drink, but he was all irritable after just a few hours. He went to the shop then, coming back with a lot of alcohol. Then he drunk it all while we were watching some stupid film and I let him." She sighed, looking down at the floor, disgusted with herself,

"He was drunk in no time, shouting at me and telling me that I cared more about my job and friends than I ever had him and my son. I was annoyed, I was shouting back and in the end I smashed a glass after chucking it at him. He went mad, this time though I thought it was my fault... and it was kind of. He started shouting again, and I hit him first.. I know I shouldn't have and it was stupid but I couldn't help myself. I had been working on my paperwork for ages and he knocked everything off the table so I went mad and punched him in the face. He grabbed my wrist when I went to walk off, trying to calm myself down, and he twisted it..." She took a deep breath, remembering that night,

"Then he punched me in the face, I stopped shouting at him then, I realized how angry he was with me and I knew when to shut up. I told him I was sorry but he didn't seem to hear me, he pushed me into his bedroom and punched me in the stomach, pushing me onto our bed.... and then he lay on top of me and I told him I was sorry again but he didn't listen, he just carried on.. I begged him not to but he wouldn't stop. I didn't know what to do." I broke down again, even thinking about that night made me shake, I put my head in my hands, angry with myself for looking so weak in front of my best friends and colleagues. I always hated it when he was that drunk, I always knew what was coming.

"You should have told us, that's rape Jennifer." I looked up at Hotch when he said my full name, realizing he was seeing me more as a victim than his friend, trying to distance himself away from me so he wouldn't do anything he would regret later.

"I am his wife.... I have to do stuff like that." Garcia grabbed my shoulder, making me face her,

"No, that's wrong and you know that Jayje, you said no and that's all that matters, whether he is your husband or not. It's wrong." I nodded and sniffed,

"I guess." I whispered,

"Did it carry on like that?" Reid murmured, looking at me for the first time since I had seen him today.

"It wasn't that bad for a while, there was no massive beatings up until a year ago. It was just a punch or a kick, sometimes that thing.. in the night but nothing I couldn't handle, nothing I couldn't hide." Emily shook her head,

"It's still abuse." I looked at her,

"Yeah, I know." I sighed, looking away from everyone else, I was glad they couldn't see the worst damage right now, underneath all the clothes they are a lot worse.

"What did you do after the first actual beating?" Morgan asked,

"I hid in my bedroom, running out when we got a case."

"_About time you got home." JJ looked at the man in front of her, closing the front door as she sighed loudly, _

"_I had work." She sounded annoyed already, she hated getting the third degree, she worked for the FBI, he should understand more than anyone what it's like to be called out at all hours for God knows how long. She wrinkled her nose as she entered the living room, _

_  
"Drinking again?" She muttered, smelling the alcohol in the room heavily, he nodded, lifting up the beer can he held in his hands, _

_  
"Got a problem with that bitch?" _

_  
"I really cannot be bothered with this tonight, I have work early tomorrow and I really don't want another bruise, cut or broken bone to explain to them." He laughed loudly as he got up, _

_  
"I will do what I want, when I want.. You're married to me not the job. Not your friends. And not to Aaron Hotchner. What we do in our spare time has nothing to do with anyone else." She shook her head, she should have learnt by now to be scared of him when he was drunk, it had been going on long enough now but Agent Jareau was never scared of anything or anyone. Especially not someone she was married to, she sighed, _

_  
"Back off, William." Pushing him out of the way to get into the bathroom to change, gasping in pain as she felt something hit her on the back of the head, causing her to drop to the floor. She tried to get up, crying in pain as he kicked her back down, she begged him to stop before he made the second blow to her head, trying to get up again, thinking it was over when he helped her. _

_But then before she knew it, she was up against the wall, a punch to the face, a jab to the stomach, a slap across the head, she almost collapsed stopped only by his hand around her neck, pushing her hard against the nearest wall. She banged her head in the process, tears falling down her face as she felt her body struggling for air, _

"_You stupid cow, I said be home at 9pm, what time do you call this?" She tried to speak, but his grip was too tight. Finally he let go, dropping her to the ground as she coughed, struggling for air. Just as she recovered, she felt her head snap back as he kicked her hard in the face, he bent down to her level, grabbing her by the hair and lifting her up with him, slamming her face into the wall as he started to shout at her. She finally gave into the fear she had been trying to hold in, knowing her little son was only upstairs, beginning to scream and shout, begging someone to help her but nobody ever came. Then finally it was over and her world went black._

"From that moment on nothing was the same again, it would be like that almost every night. Sometimes I would struggle for about an hour to get to work, I could see the look in your eyes as you saw fresh bruises, so I tried to stay away from you all. I was glad when none of you said anything, I think you were too scared of being wrong. I think I would have broken down, I found it so hard to hide it from you all... in the end I had to stop going to hospital because I knew Garcia had found out about every single one of them, I had to cope on my own after that. I would try my best to fight him off, honest I would, but nothing ever seemed to work. He just kept kicking, punching, shouting, whatever I said would just make him worse. I was so scared of him in the end, I guess that's what stopped me telling. Even when things were terrible...I don't know. I didn't want to be another victim to you..." I closed my eyes, biting my lip as I tried to find the right words,

"I don't know... I just want everything to be like it was, I am not even the same person any more. I want to be the JJ everyone got on with, I don't know who or what I am now, I don't know what to do."


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: See last chapter**

**~ Chapter Six ~ **

"**Life's a fairytale... and then you grow up." **

That night I woke up in the guest room, I was screaming, crying, sweating and shaking. I had no idea what was going in, I knew I had nightmares before but it was never like this. Not this horrible, not this severe. I tried calming myself down but nothing was working. Before I knew it, Emily came running in with Garcia not far behind her. I tried my best to stop my shaking hands, to wipe away my tears and forget all about it when I finally realized where I was. I tried to be the strong JJ I remembered, the one they all seemed to think I am. She was the JJ everyone wanted, not this one. This one was weak and stupid, I was forever in pain and forever tired. I didn't want to this JJ any more, I want to be like the JJ I was before all of this. I had changed more than I knew, and I didn't like it.

"JJ what happened?" Emily sat on the bed next to me, pulling me into a tight hug,

"Nothing." I whispered, trying to stop the tears that were still falling down my face.

"Yes it did, now tell me what." She rubbed my back as I broke down, I wrapped my own arms around her as she had done me and cried on her shoulder, I cried like I had never cried before. The tears just kept falling and I didn't know how to stop them. Emily just carried on rubbing my back, whispering to me as Garcia sat on the other side of the bed with me, her hand slowly smoothing down my hair.

"It was just a nightmare... I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to wake you both." Emily shook her head,

"Just tell us what happened, the more you talk about it then the more we can understand and then the more we can help you." She smiled at me kindly, as I pulled away from the two of them, curling up into a tight ball as I rocked back and forth. I just needed to calm down and then everything would be okay.

"Don't do this okay? You will never be able to recover if you start closing up.. you need to tell someone.. anyone about stuff like this." Garcia grabbed my hand, squeezing it gently as I looked up.

"I know.." I breathed, as I closed my eyes and tried to think about the nightmare.

"_I am going to get you Jennifer." She looked around but she couldn't see anyone, she was in the guest bedroom in Emily's house, and she could hear Will but she couldn't see him anywhere. She got out of bed and started to look around the room, _

"_Will?" She whispered, her heart beating fast, _

_  
"They've all gone now, it's just you and me and now there is nobody else to help and you and nobody to stop me." She shook her head, tears falling down her face, _

"_What did you do to them?" _

_  
"Go and see." He whispered back, she moved towards the living room and screamed as she saw what he had done, there was so much blood, blood everywhere. On the walls he had written 'Never ask for help again' She shook her head, she ran out of the bedroom only to trip over her own sons body, she didn't see Will behind her with a knife in his hand. She did see all of the bodies of her friends,  
_

"_Never ask for help." He muttered, the words repeating in her mind, why did she do it? This was all her fault and now there was nothing she could do to help them. Everyone was dead and it was all her fault. Will grabbed her roughly, _

"_I love you baby." Then he stabbed her... she stumbled back and gasped as she felt the pain run through her body, then he punched her and kicked her. No matter how much she begged, he wouldn't stop. And then everything went white, there was someone calling her name. Two little children appeared and called her to them, she recognised them as Henry and the little baby she had lost thanks to Will. She moved towards them, _

_  
"Come join us mummy." Henry smiled, his hand met hers and then he disappeared. Then there was blood, they were gone. _

_Everyone was gone. _

"And then I woke up..." She finished off the story, I saw Emily look at Garcia, I didn't know what to say to them.

"You had another child?" Emily finally asked, I shook my head,

"I had a miscarriage... Will beat me so bad sometimes, I could never keep a baby... I had to give birth to her... she was beautiful. She looked just like Henry. I thought that maybe she would have been okay... but she was a still birth and I don't think it would be right to bring her into this world anyway." I whispered, it was painful to even think about but I was glad to finally tell someone. Will hadn't cared, he said he didn't want another brat with me anyway. I hadn't mentioned it again after that, it was just another part of my life that hurt too much to even think about. It was all my fault for staying with him. I never should have stayed with him.

"Oh my God, honey." Garcia murmured,

"It doesn't matter." I tried to say but the words sounded so fake, even to me.

"It doesn't matter..." Garcia repeated, her eyes wide,

"It obviously mattered to you." I nodded,

"I loved her so much, it wasn't fair on her."

"You're young, there will be plenty of chanced." Emily whispered, smiling at JJ.

"I will stay with you tonight, both of us will." Garcia nodded,

"I will go check on Henry first, be right back." She climbed off the bed, running towards the door.

"It's going to be okay soon won't it?" I asked Emily as she lay next to me,

"Yes it will, I promise you." I smiled, finally falling to sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds**

**~ Chapter Seven ~ **

**~ "I guess I've always lived in a fairytale world." ~ **

I had been at Emily's for a little over a week when the first phone call had come, I was reading to Henry when I heard it ring. It was Emily who had picked it up, I saw the look on her face when she heard the voice on the other end and I knew something was wrong. I gave the book to Henry, telling him I would be right there, walking over to her, she put her hand over the phone,

"Who is it?" I whispered,

"Will but don't worry, I will get rid of him." I nodded, biting my lip,

"Can I speak to him?"

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" I smiled, I wanted to speak to him, no matter how much he had hurt me, I was still in love with him. That wasn't going to stop any time soon, not yet anyway. She handed the phone to me,

"Will?" I whispered, walking up the stairs,

"Baby, I am so sorry, please come home."

"I can't."

"Yes, of course you can..." He sounded so much like the Will I remembered, the Will I fell in love with, as he spoke. I almost ran back to the house there and then, but I held my place.

"No I can't, not until you sort yourself out. You're not going to see me or Henry again until you're off the alcohol." I was in my bedroom now, sitting on the bed, I smiled to myself as I found the courage to say the words,

"I love you Will and I always will but I don't love this, I fell in love with my Will. Where did he go?" I started to cry when I thought about how happy we used to be,

"_I love you." Will whispered, _

"_I love you too." She kissed him gently on the lips and he smiled at her, grabbing her hand as they carried on walking down the beach. He looked at her, she noticed him staring at her and stopped in her tracks as she raised an eyebrow, _

"_What?" He grinned,_

"_I wasn't going to do it like this, but I just love you so much and I just want to let you know much much and I really want to spend the rest of my life with you and with the little baby." He pressed a hand on her stomach, grinning slightly, _

"_I want us to be together forever, just me and you and however many more children we are going to have after this little man." She stared at him, confused by the speech, gasping as he got down on one knee there and then in the middle of the beach, she looked around, glad nobody was looking their way. She felt so nervous but so happy, here it was.. her one true love about to ask her to marry him and she couldn't have thought of a better way of doing it. _

"_Will you marry me Special Agent Jareau?" She grinned down at him, rolling her eyes at the use of her job title, she looked at the ring he held in his hands, it was perfect. Ruby red with small diamonds just around the ruby, she smiled, trying to hold back the tears that were going to fall down her face. _

"_Of course I will Detective LaMontagne." She started to laugh as tears fell down her face, feeling glad that tears were also running down his. She grinned as he put the ring on her finger before getting up to kiss her more passionately than he ever had before, while lifting her up in his strong arms to twirl her around. As he did so, she just remembered thinking that it would be her happy ending. _

I smiled at the memory, it was one of the happiest days of my entire life but now drink had ruined it. I hated that, I didn't hate Will. He was addicted, and that could go away if he really tried, he could go to rehab and sort himself out.

"I don't know where he went, I want him back as well and I miss you so much. I didn't realize how hard it would be without you, I can live without the drink..it's my family I can't live without." I wiped away the tears from my face and shook my head,

"Please sort yourself out, and then I will see.... I can't do this right now. I have to protect our son, and I have to protect myself. You have hurt me so much and I just need time to heal right now. Is that okay?" I heard the sigh on the other end, I could tell he was sober but I was still terrified of the response,

"Of course it is, how is this going to work then?"

"You will go to rehab, I will come and see you every single month to see if you are actually trying to get better. Then when you're out, we will give it a few more months and see if you have actually changed. If not Will, no matter how much I still love you, it's over." I felt so strong but so weak at the same time, strong because I knew he wasn't there and because I was finally saying what I had held in for so long now. But I was weak because I was still scared of him, just hearing his voice sometimes makes me shake and when I close my eyes I can see his fist coming towards me. More tears fell down my face but I held the sobs that were about to come.

"Fine... I promise.. for you and Henry. I will get myself checked into a rehab centre as soon as I can."

"Phone Hotch or someone with the address." I said before saying goodbye. He sounded depressed but this is how I should have reacted from the beginning, then it wouldn't have been this bad, then it wouldn't have gone this far.

"You okay?" Emily asked as I walked back down the stairs, I nodded and smiled.

"I had to get that out of my system. He is getting checked into rehab, I told him what was going to happen and he agreed." I sighed, moving back into the sitting room to sit back down by Henry, he wrapped his small arms around me, nuzzling his head into my neck. I put my own arms around my son, looking at Emily. She grinned, walking over to me to put a hand on my shoulder,

"We are ordering out, is that okay?" Henry and I nodded enthusiastically, and then went back to our story.

**This is what normal feels like. **


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: See last chapter**

**~ Chapter Eight ~ **

**~ "The world is still spinning and I don't know why." ~**

I started to heal for the first time, mentally and physically. I was glad for the amount of time I had to heal, usually it would be a few days before the next beating and then there would be more wounds to close up, more broken bones and more bruises. I had this new feeling of utter happiness, and I was able to wrap my arms around my son without crying out in pain. I could chase him around the room without having to lay down because I was crying in pain. Life was looking up finally.

I laughed a little as one memory seemed to stick out, we were at a party – Will and I. And I was completely drunk, we hadn't known each other for long back then, but we were still certain that we were perfect for each other. He hadn't touched a drink all night, that was the thing that stood out to me now, it wasn't important at the time, but those were the days. Drink ruined us, and I could only hope that it didn't carry on ruining the life we had made for ourselves.

I had been at Emily's for a month now, I was fully healed and was back at work. It wasn't really the same, people looked at me like I was fragile, they ex aimed me for scars, or any signs of the abuse they had all heard about. But it was good to be back, despite the questioning looks.

Something went wrong that day though, someone looked at me in what I deemed a 'funny way', I had stormed off into the bathroom, smashing the mirror as the anger took over me. He had taken my child away from me, it was all I could think about. Tears ran down my face as I looked down at the floor, picking up a piece of glass, I looked at it for a second before digging it deep into my arm. I felt all the anger go for a moment as I stared at the dark blood dripping down my arm. Maybe I had become used to the pain by now, maybe it was my only release. I sighed, wiping away the tears that dripped down my face when I realized what I had done. I dropped the piece of glass in shock, trying to stop the blood dripping down my arm, I couldn't do this, no please... stop bleeding... they're all going to hate you. Please stop.

Finally it stopped, I roughly pulled my sleeve down, wiping away any signs that I had been crying. I looked in the now broken mirror, seeing nothing but a woman in pain, I missed him so much. I wanted the real Will back, not the drunken, violent, idiot he had become.

I want the Will I had fallen in love with four years ago back...


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: See last chapter **

**~ Chapter Nine ~ **

**~ "A dreamer dreams she'll never die" ~ **

I managed to hide my set back from everyone, glad to be back home. Nobody knew what I had done, and I didn't expect anyone to find out. It was my little secret, and I was going to keep it that way. I sighed as I looked at the deep cut in the mirror, I couldn't wear short sleeves for a little while but it didn't matter, I hardly did anyway.

I put on a fake smile as I walked down the stairs, I couldn't let Emily think something was wrong. It had been a whole week since what I had come to call my set back, and I was determined to get back to normality. Henry jumped on me as I got to the bottom of the stairs, grinning at me and kissing me gently on the cheek as I lifted him up.

"You going to have anything to eat?" Emily bit her lip in worry, noticing she hadn't been eating much. I shook my head, putting Henry down to put his jacket on, I was back on my usual one meal a day routine. I had gained weight recently, and I knew that when Will was okay again, he wouldn't like it, I would only have to lose it all again when he said so.

"I will grab something on the way." She smiled up at me, walking into the bathroom before shouting goodbye. I always left before her, she liked to be late for some strange reason. I lifted Henry back up again, before shutting the door behind me.

"JJ!" I looked at Hotch as I walked in, I had to drop Henry off at nursery to Emily had met me outside work, both of us walking in at the same time,

"We all have a new case, boardroom now."

"What kind of case?" Morgan asked,

"Kidnapping." Hotch had to do the briefing as I knew nothing of the case, the phone call had been made directly to him that morning. It was a long case, one that took me away from the one person I loved more than anything – Henry. But I knew I should be used to it by now, it was harder without Will to take care of him but if things went my way then that would be sorted out soon.

I went out with the boys when we got back, Emily left early with the excuse of needing a hot bath. I got in late that night, sneaking into the house so not to wake anyone. I turned around, groaning when I saw Emily and Hotch standing there, waiting for me. I wondered what Hotch was doing there at this time in the morning, I felt like a teenager and they were my parents, They had been standing there, waiting for me to get home.

"We need to speak to you." Emily said as I walked in, luckily for me I wasn't that drunk, so I just stood there, looking at their faces of disappointment, I sighed, wondering what I had done wrong this time. Then my eyes wandered to the towel Hotch held up in his hands, I could feel my whole body shaking as I looked at the blood stained towel, recognising it immediately.

"No.. you.. uh... you don't understand." I tried to explain, I didn't know what to say to them.

"Where is the blood from Jennifer?" I looked up at him as he used my full first name, knowing I was in trouble.

"Please don't tell me this is what I think it is." Emily whispered, looking me up and down. I shook my head, trying to laugh,

"I cut myself shaving, I forgot to put the towel in the wash. Sorry!" I tried, trying to cover up my secret with more lies,

"No.. you don't get this much blood from an accidental shaving cut..."

"Oh? And what are you now? A doctor?" I glared at Hotch,

"Did you cut yourself?" Emily whispered, her eyes wide with worry,

"No... please.. don't do this..." I whispered, almost to myself,

"Tell me the truth, it's me JJ, you can tell me." She took a few steps forward, grabbing my arms from my sides. I shook my head, trying to pull them away,

"No." I muttered, looking away as she rolled up my sleeves, gasping,

"Why?" I shrugged,

"I am so sorry." I murmured as tears fell down my face.

"I have ruined everything, I didn't mean to.. I don't know why I did it. You weren't supposed to find out." I fell to the floor as I cried, leaning into Emily as she wrapped her arms around me.

"It's okay." I shook my head,

"It's not..I am so sorry."

"You should have told us." Hotch said, I looked up at him and nodded,

"I am so sorry... I just... I didn't want you to think I was creating problems for myself..."

"We understand that it's not going to be easy to get over it, you're my best friend and I want to be here for you whenever I can and stuff like this needs to be talked about."

"Sorry." I sobbed, pulling away to wipe away the tears, standing up,

"Well, long day.. I am off to bed." I said in my best press voice, Emily shook her head,

"We're phoning a doctor tomorrow... we think you need more help than we can give you." I shook my head,

"No, please.. they won't understand. I won't be allowed to go to work." I cried,

"We think you've come back too soon." Hotch took a step forward,

"No! I am fine really, I won't do it again. I am sorry, I really won't." I started to panic, I couldn't lose this job. I didn't want to see some stupid doctor. I needed to cut so badly right then, and then my world began to spin as my chest tightened. It was getting too hard to breath. I tried to focus on my breaths, and then the last thing I remember is someone calling my name. And then everything went black, and there my children were again.


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: See last chapter**

**~ Chapter Ten ~ **

**~ "The worlds still spinning and she don't know why." ~ **

When I woke up I was in hospital, I looked around to see Emily just standing there looking at me. I could tell she was worried, I had done that to her. As if everyone else didn't have better things to worry about, and now look at what I have done. I sighed, looking around the room, trying to avoid her eye.

"You haven't eaten in a week or so." She finally spoke up, I looked at her,

"Will said I had to be thin, he said I have to lose weight.. he won't love me otherwise." I muttered, trying to sit up, but still feeling too weak.

"Why in the hell do you still care what he thinks? After everything he had done to you, why do you insist on doing this to yourself?"

"Doesn't stop me loving him." She walked towards my bed, taking my hand in hers,

"I know it doesn't, but you need to stop hanging onto the man you loved, you need to stop hanging onto the threads of a relationship that is never going to be like your first memories of it. You can't live like this." I nodded, trying to stop the tears falling down my face,

"I know... I just want him to change so much." I whispered,

"We were fine before, everything was perfect. I just want to know where I went wrong..."

"You did nothing wrong, it's all on Will. He was the one who started to drink too much, he was the one who let it all get out of control."

"I should have helped him sooner... then we would still be together..."

"And even if you had got him help sooner, he would have had to want it for it to even help him. There was nothing you could have done... you need to stop blaming yourself." I nodded, putting my head on her shoulder when she sat on the edge of my bed,

"I'm sorry." I whispered,

"Don't be, none of us expect you to just get over it. We should have known something like this would happen, but we're going to get you through this, okay?" I nodded, smiling at her, she was one of the best friends I had ever had, and I am so glad to have met her. Without her I don't know where I would be right now.

"Is Henry okay?"

"He wants his mummy back home." I smiled,

"Do you think I should move out, I don't want to do that to you again..." Emily put her arm around me,

"I need you there, it's boring without the two of you."

"Thanks for everything." I whisper,

"Anything for my best friend." I laughed, hugging her. Grinning as Garcia walked into the room,

"Hey." I looked up at her, motioning for her to join us on the bed, she wrapped her arms around me.

"What happened my little ray of sunshine." I raised an eyebrow at the ironic nickname,

"It doesn't matter." I muttered, shrugging my shoulders,

"It matters to me."

"She had a minor setback, everything is going to be okay though now, isn't it JJ?" I smiled at her and nodded,

"Yeah, I think it will be."


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: See last chapter**

**~ Chapter Eleven ~ **

**~ "You must fight hard to obtain happiness." ~ **

It wasn't too long until I was back home, well Emily's home but it was the only place I felt safe at the moment. I was allowed to go back to work once I had the clear from the psychologist who Hotch had arranged to see me every week. I hated the fact that I had to go and see her, we had to talk about everything anything.

I went downstairs, ruffling Henry's hair as I walked past him.

"You want breakfast?" Emily asked, I sighed still seeing the worry in her eyes,

"Sure, what have you got?" I asked, leaning over the counter to look at the assortment of food she had around the counter,

"Mummy! Have what I have!" Henry cried out to me,

"And what are you having my baby boy?" I knelt down, fussing with the buttons on his little shirt,

"Pancake!" He grinned at me, he sounded so proud of himself I had to laugh.

"Well okay then, I guess I will have the same." He giggled loudly when I tickled him,

"Will you sit by me?" He finally said when I let go of him, I nodded, grinning as we both sat at the table. It felt like a proper family as we all sat around the table, even though Emily wasn't my real family and Will wasn't here. I sighed, even after what he had done I still wanted him... how sick was that?

I didn't know what to do, I had a letter from him the other day about how it was going in rehab. He has asked me to visit him there soon, I still hadn't replied to him, and I wasn't sure if it was a good idea that I went. I knew it would be hard, but he was the love of my life and he was trying to get better for me. I looked at Henry, smiling.

Maybe we could be a family again, but everything would be on my conditions and not his. I was not going to let him get to me again.


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: See last chapter **

**~ Chapter Twelve ~ **

**~ "'Cause little by little the wheels of your life have slowly fallen off." ~ **

"Hey." I looked him straight in the eyes, I wanted him to know I wasn't scared of him any more.

"Hi." I said back, it came out a lot quieter than I had intended and I cleared my throat, he looked at me, smiling and went to hold my hands across the table. I shook my head, pulling away.

"Are you scared of me?" He asked, he looked terrible... I shook my head,

"No.. I am just being careful." I looked around at the other husbands, wives and young men and women all waiting for their own visitors. I wondered how long Will had gone without anyone to visit him,

"How're you?" He asked me, bringing me out of my thoughts,

"Better I guess, you?" I shrugged lightly as I spoke,

"I am finding it hard in here but I know what made me drink and stuff... I have had counselling and group sessions." I nodded,

"Good, you need it." He tried to hold my hand again, but this time I jerked back with more force than before and almost went flying back.

"Stop it." I snapped at him, he nodded,

"Sorry." He looked down and I shook my head,

"Yeah well, you need to get fully sorted before I trust you again." I surprised myself then, where had this strength gone? He looked up for a moment and I could swear the for a small moment there I saw anger flash in his eyes, he must have seen the fear in mine because as soon as it had come, it was gone again. I shook my head, trying to focus, he wasn't drunk, so there wasn't any danger... was there?

"Do they know what you did to me?" I squeaked,

"They want you to come to a counselling session."

"When is your next one?" I looked around at the families that were broken just like mine,

"In about ten minutes."

"Do you want me to come?" I asked, biting my lip,

"Don't you have work?" I shook my head,

"I have a few months off because... of personal reasons." He just nodded,

"I want you to know how sorry I am for everything I did to you, I shouldn't have put you through that. I know there is a problem now and I am doing everything I can to sort it out. I am really sorry." I just nodded at him, focusing more on the man behind him who seemed to be staring at us,

"Who's that?" I asked, nodding towards the well dressed man,

"My counsellor... I told him you were coming today. He said he would keep an eye on me."

"Would you really hit me when you're sober?" I suddenly felt scared, I wasn't so sure of myself any more. I didn't think this was a good idea at all, what if it never was the drink? If it was just Will and then I would be stuck like this forever. He shook his head,

"Of course not, it's just to see how we are with each other." He looked behind him, nodding at the man, he started to walk towards us, I noticed him stare at me when he reached us, I know he saw how much I was shaking. I tried to hide my fear from Will but then something so stupid and little had ruined everything.

"How are you Mrs LaMontagne?" I looked up at him, moving back a little in my chair away from Will,

"Is he violent when he's sober?" I whispered, looking at Will,

"Why would you think that?"

"He said you were keeping an eye on him... you wouldn't need to do that if he wasn't going to do something, right?" There was no hiding my obvious fear as I looked at him, seeing a lone tear fall from his eye. I looked at him, confused as he wiped it away and looked down at the table.

"He wouldn't do anything without the drink, I can assure you that. I am not condoning what he did in anyway, but you are in no immediate danger at this moment in time." He looked me right in the eye and I believed him straight away, I calmed down a little and looked at Will,

"Sorry." I muttered, but he just shook his head,

"I don't blame you for reacting like that." He wouldn't look back up so I looked away from him,

"My name is Simon." His counsellor held out his hand for me and I shook it gently, still trying to calm myself down,

"Are you going to come today?" I nodded slowly, looking back at Will,

"Only if you still want me there?" He finally looked at me, nodding,

"Of course I do."

"Well this is how it's going to work, I will see you alone for about ten minutes Mrs LaMontagne." I looked up at him, shaking my head,

"I already have a counsellor."

"Well that may be the case but I need to have your own opinion on Will's drinking, I know Will, whereas your counsellor does not." I nodded,

"You have one as well?" He looked at me, to Simon and back again,

"Yeah.. well Hotch and Emily made me go because I had some... issues."

"And that's why you don't have work?" I nodded at him, looking back at Simon asking him to carry on,

"And then I will bring in Will and we will all talk together, I know Will has some stuff he wants to say to you and I am sure you feel the same towards him." I nodded,

"I will go get a coffee then." I sighed,

"That much hasn't changed then." He grinned and I just nodded at him, not smiling, I didn't know what else to do. I wasn't ready to smile or laugh with him yet,

"I will show you where the coffee machine is, fifteen minutes and then in my office Will." He nodded, getting up as I did the same thing. He looked me up and down, taking in my appearance,

"You should gain all the weight back that I made you lose. I didn't mean any of it."

"Thanks." I muttered, quickly walking back, trying to hold back the tears. Simon followed me, soon catching up,

"He isn't a bad person." I told him,

"I know he isn't, he just got lost along the way." I muttered, Simon nodded, looking at me,

"He loves you."

"I love him too... as much as I wish I didn't. If I didn't then I could leave him and move on." He shook his head,

"You can't help who you fall in love with, you were happy before all of this... do you think you could be happy after it?"

"I don't know, I thought we could before I came here but all I can see is him hitting me whenever I look at him. I can't stand it when he touches me... I am terrified of him and I don't want to be." I sighed, grabbing my coffee,

"It's not unusual to be scared, with help you can both move on but only if you want to."

"I do.. of course I do. We have a son, I love them both so much and I want to be a family. But I don't know what I would do if he went back." I shook my head, and Simon opened a door not far from the coffee machine for me.

"Well you both need a break and Will is going to be here for a few more months. He has been booked in for eight months." I nodded,

"He booked himself in you know?" He said as he sat down, I nodded,

"I told him he would never see me or Henry again if he didn't get help."

"Do you want to know what most people do when they go back to their partners after rehab?" I nodded,

"Of course they start with the one month visits and counselling session and then they have regular visits when the person is out of here. Once they feel comfortable around each other then, they start to see each other most nights, just like when you first start dating.. going out on dates and so on."

"And then you move in and everyone forgets the past and lives happily ever after?" I muttered sarcastically, rolling my eyes, he laughed,

"Not quite, some people move back in after a few months.. some after a year or two. Mostly they stay in separate bedrooms for a while, and then it gets easier and you get to know the person all over again."

"Do you think he is going to stop?"

"I think he is going to have one or two setbacks but he will buck up his ideas soon enough."

"I am scared" I admitted, looking down at the floor,

"I was strong and happy before all of this, everyone looks at me and tells me how much I have changed, I don't want it to happen all over again."

"I know, and it's going to be hard but it's your choice, not Will's whether you get back together or not. You're the one who has to be strong now, and it's going to be difficult but Will told me you're staying with a friend?" I nodded,

"When you aren't feeling so strong, you will always have them to rely on?"

"Yes, they are all amazing.. they are more like family.." I smiled,

"That's good... why do you go counselling? If you don't mind me asking that is..."

"I had a minor setback a while ago, I cut myself and was diagnosed with depression. It's okay now though, I just tried to move on too quickly." He nodded,

"You need to take it easy." He said kindly, I nodded, not saying anything as I carried on looking at the coffee cup I held in my hands, jumping a little when there was a knock on the door.

"Are you ready for this?" Simon asked me, I nodded, moving my chair further away from the one next to me, knowing that was where Will would be sitting.

"You both have things to say, Jennifer... I want you to go first."

"What do you want me to say?" I looked at him confused, I didn't know what to say to him, I didn't want him to hate me.

"Just how you feel, anything you want." I took a deep breath and looked at Will, thinking for a moment before I knew what I wanted to say, he couldn't do anything to me right now and Simon wanted to be honest.

"Will..." I gulped,

"I love you so much and I thought we were going to be together forever, I know it was the drink that made you do everything and I know you may never do it again but I don't know... I guess I will always be a little scared of you. Well that's how I feel anyway, I don't want to be scared any more though. I am fed up of all the pain and I am fed up of of jumping at every little noise. I am fed up of resisting the urge to scream when Henry wakes me up in the night, because it reminds me of you waking me up..." I took a deep breath,

"I went through a stage where I blamed myself but I know now that it's all your fault. You let the drink take over your whole life and you took it all too far Will. You took social drinking too far and now look where you are." I looked around us and then back at him,

"I was so scared of you for such a long time, and I would wake up in the morning wondering if you were actually going to kill me that day. I was in pain and you didn't seem to care. I never saw you sober, we both worked full time and the only time I ever saw you sober was the morning and that's not really enough to judge whether you are going to hit me when you get out of here. How am I supposed to know it was the drink and not you?" I took a deep breath to gather all my thoughts for a moment,

"I just want to know why you turned to drink, was I doing something wrong? I don't know what made you think that drinking was the only way out. You must have known what you did when you were drunk because you would always said you were sorry and you would be so lovely in the mornings... I just don't know what to do any more. I am happy now and this is what I should have felt like all along. If I decided to get back together with you then we will be moving back home and staying there. I should never have let you convince me to move away and I won't let you control me any more. I lost a child because of you and your drink.. I am not going to let that happen ever again. You have to choose between the drink and me... I don't drink anyway so you would have no excuse back home. I will leave you as soon as you have even one drop of drink, and this time I will involve the police if you lay one finger on me or anyone else I love. I can't handle it any more, I am fed up of you controlling me and of you thinking you can do whatever you want. Unless you chose to give up the drink then I will not be here when you get out." Will looked at me and I looked at Simon, there were tears running down my face and I quickly wiped them, he nodded at me, smiling and then he looked towards Will

"What do you have to say to that?"

"Um...Jennifer. I love you so much and I know the choice any day. I can live without the drink but everyday away from you just gets more and more painful. It's so hard without you, I feel like I have known you my whole life and I want to spend every single day with you and I want to grow old with you and have more children. When I get out I want to start all over again. I will never touch a drop, I don't need the drink but I need you more than anything or anyone else. I will never hurt you again, in here they teach you the wrong of your ways and I know what I did was so horrible and so wrong, I don't even know why the drink did that to me but it will never happen again. The only reason I started drinking in the first place was because I was finding everything so hard, but you always seemed to breeze past everything like it was so easy to deal with. I was jealous I guess, I don't care about any of that any more though. I care about me and you and where we are going in life. I will move back home for you and I will take everything as slow as you want. I will leave it all up to you because I don't want to ruin anything ever again. And as soon as I even raise a hand to you I will check myself back in here..." I looked at him and saw the tears running down his face,

"I love you so much, I don't want to lose you Jennifer" He looked down and Simon got up off his chair

"Will? I want you to look Jennifer in the eye and tell her how you feel looking back on it all." He said as he stood up and leaned against the desk. Will nodded and then looked at me, I stared back at him, trying not to break the stare, I just looked at him and waited

"I feel.. I don't know. I just don't understand why I did any of it. It didn't make me feel any better, I thought it did at the time but it never did. I don't feel happy with what I did and nor do I feel proud. I feel angry at myself for letting everything get to me like that and for letting myself hurt the one I love and hurting her in so many ways. I am so sorry for everything I ever done to you and I swear to you I will never let it happen again"

I smiled at him as best I could and he looked away from him

"Will?" I said, and when he turned back around I looked him straight in the eye.

"If you could start all over again what would you do differently?" He looked at me and thought for a moment,

"I would have focused more on our family than what was going wrong in my life. Just like I should have done."

"No drink?"

"Never. I wish I never started in the first place" I nodded at him,

"When you get out... Can it be like we only just met? I think it would help me somehow" He smiled, his famous Will smile. I almost melted when I saw it but I managed to compose myself

"Course we can. I will come knocking on your door with flowers and everything" I smiled "

I do still love you Will. I just need time.." He nodded and then held out his hand to me, I took it this time with a little hesitation

"I think we both need time and I will give you all the time you need. Even if it takes 10 years" I laughed and wiped the tears away from my face.

When I walked out of there I felt like everything was going to be okay again, I smiled to myself. This place was really going to help the both of us.


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds**

**~ Chapter Thirteen ~ **

**~ "& even as my eyes fill with tears, I swear I won't cry." ~ **

I felt a lot better after that day, I was even starting to feel better about what had happened. I know it wasn't Will, I had always known that. I blamed the drink from the very beginning and now I was beginning to accept that. I missed him and that was that, even after what he had done. I loved him more than I had ever loved anyone else. I could carry on wishing that I didn't, and as much as I tried to tell myself that I shouldn't... I still did. It was hard loving someone as much as I loved him, especially when everything was against us. It was hard enough loving someone but even harder when you know you shouldn't.

I finally got into my car, smiling. Maybe everything would be better when he gets out. I would take it slowly, but I had a good feeling about it. I sighed, looking up at the large building and could feel myself looking forward to my next visit. Everything was going to be okay after all.

When I got home Emily was there to question me, I smiled at her and nodding when it was required. I let her know that everything was okay,

"He is getting better, he's doing so well."

"Good... how was he?"

"Better than when I last saw him. He is obviously going through withdrawal at the moment but he still looks a lot better." I smiled, shrugging,

"I wasn't so scared of him towards the end."

"And that's a good thing?" Emily sounded uncertain, and I realized that none of them would be happy about us getting back together once he was okay again,

"I thought it would be horrible, but it felt okay. I knew he was trying to get better, you know?" She nodded,

"I am sure he will as well."

"We had to see his counsellor, his name was Simon. He told me about taking things slowly and when Will gets out, to act like it was the beginning of our relationship all over again."

"I think that's a good idea."

"I just want to see what he's like before I make any decisions." I could feel my eyes fill wiith tears as I spoke, falling down my face as Emily wrapped her arms around me,

"What's wrong?"

"I don't know... it's just, I am so confused about what to do. I love him so much but I don't want to. I want him back Em, but I want the real Will, the one I fell in love with back. I don't want the raging alcoholic, I miss him so much." I sobbed into her shoulder,

"It's okay to love him, even after everything. I know how wrong it all was, but we both know that Will would never do that to you sober." Alcohol has different effects on people, it just happened to make him violent... very violent. I hate him for what he did to you and I don't want to see him again, but I would for you. I could forgive him but I am am always going to be here for you. If you think he is even having a tiny sip, then I expect you back here, straight away No nonsense this time, okay?" I nodded, pulling away to wipe my tears when I saw Henry heading our way,

"Mummy?" He shouted, running up to us and I smiled at him, he wrapped his arms around my neck as I lifted him up onto the counter.

"What's wrong?" He asked me, moving his hand to wipe away my tears,

"Nothing baby." I ruffled his hair,

"Is it daddy?" I looked at him confused as I looked him in the eye,

"If he hurted you again mummy, I would hurted him." He smiled at me, wrapping his arms around my neck again, I smiled,

"Thank you, and if anyone hurt you, I would do the same."

"Love you mummy." I rubbed his back,

"Love you too." I said as I put him back down so he could run off and play. Emily grinned at me,

"You're an amazing mother, he loves you so much." I shrugged, blushing at the compliment.

"He's an amazing boy... I have no idea what I would do without him."

~ .. ~

That evening we were watching a film when the phone rang, I looked as Emily handed it to me, confused, who would phone me?

"Hello?"

"Hello! I hope you don't mind me phoning you?" I grinned, running up the stairs once I knew who it was,

"No! It's fine."

"How are you?"

"Great thanks, and yourself?"I tried not to sound like a love struck teenager as I spoke,

"I am good, even better after seeing you today." I grinned just as wide as a Cheshire cat and then blushed,

"Yeah, it was good.|"

"I miss you." He sounded so sad,

"I miss you too.."

"I love you and today I realized how much I need and want you. I miss you so much I can hardly cope without you, and I know the only way to get you back is to stop all of this drinking, and believe me I will. I am never going to touch another drop ever again and if I ever did I would put myself straight back in here."

"Good, promise me you will take it slow?" I asked, laying back on my bed,

"Yes, I will come to Emily's and pretend that it's our first date." I could hear him laughing on the other end,

"Now that would be interesting.." I said, laughing as well,

"I would love to start all over again." I finally whispered, after a while.

"Me too." He sighed,

"I never meant any of it and I am going to make sure it never happens again."

"I hope not..." I trailed off as the thought of going through it all again went through my mind.

"I don't think I could do it all again Will." I sat back up, looking down at the floor,

"I really don't want to have to."

"I will do everything I can to make sure you don't have to. I don't think I could put you through that again, I hate myself for what I did."

"I hate you too..."

"I can understand that... do you hate me now?"

"I am starting to understand you." I whispered, biting my lip, not sure what else to say,

"I think I am starting to understand me as well, I know what makes me tick and I know what would make me go over the edge again. I just need to avoid those things."

"Well then, when you feel like that just tell me. I will always be here for you, I will always be here to talk to you, maybe I can help?"

"Yes, that would be great." I could almost hear the smile in his voice, and my heart melted a little. I wanted to tell him right there and then just how much I loved him, and how each day without him was getting harder and harder, how each day without him was so much more painful than the last.

"I should go now, there is a large queue." He laughed,

"Okay then bye."

"Bye baby." I put the phone down, wiping tears from my face, I couldn't tell him all of that because maybe then he would win. I didn't know what he would win,but I couldn't trust him yet. I didn't know what to do with my feelings for him, everything was so confusing and so hard.


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: See last chapter **

**~ Chapter Fourteen ~  
**

**~ 6 months later ~ **

Life had been great for the past few months, I was getting on well with Will and Henry was doing amazingly well in school. I was settled into work, everyone stopped looking at me funny and I was back to my old self. It was all really great, I was able to help them solve cases as I always had, I was able to stand up in front of the press without breaking down afterwards. Being without Will had been a good thing for me, it made me a different person. I was easier to get along with and I was a lot more confident. Everything was settling into place.

Today was the day Will was being released from rehab, I got dressed to meet him from there. Smiling at myself in the mirror as I ran out, already late. I was going to take him out somewhere, maybe to the beach. I had missed him so much, I knew he had changed now. No more alcohol and no more crap. I was looking forward to it so much, this time things would be different.

I grinned when I saw him, we had been phoning each other a lot recently, and I had been visiting more than once a month, more like once a week or maybe more. Each time I was happier to see him, and each time he seemed a lot better. He smiled when he saw me, but I could have sworn there was some anger in his eyes, I thought I was imagining it though because when he got in the car, he was perfectly fine. He leaned over to kiss me on the cheek, and I blushed a little.

"I am so glad to be out of this place." He muttered,

"I helped you though." I reminded him, he just slowly nodded and looked ahead of him. I was a bit confused by his behaviour, he was usually glad to see me, constantly complimenting me. Now he was out of there and he was different already.

"Where do you want to go?" I asked him as we drove off, he shrugged, smiling at my slyly,

"Somewhere private." I shook my head,

"Slow, remember?"

"I don't care.. I wanna go somewhere where it's just the two of us." He put his hand on my leg, and I pushed it off quickly, my heart beating rapidly,

"You know the rules." I looked ahead, focusing on the road, trying to stop myself from crying,

"Yeah... well now that I am out of there I can change the rules. They were my rules." He kissed my neck, causing me to swerve a little, I pushed him off again and shook my head,

"Stop it!" He laughed at me, his hand back on my leg,

"Take me somewhere private." He said evilly, I shook my head,

"I don't know anywhere." I muttered,

"Yes you do."

"NO! I don't!" I shouted,

"I don't care where, just take me somewhere baby."

"What has gotten into you?" I asked, slowly realizing that the past six months had been a lie, it was all an act. It was never the drink that made him like this, it was just him, what had I done to deserve all of this? Why had I been so stupid?

"I love you and you love me... why do we have to take it slowly?" He continued to rub his hand up and down my leg, and I shuddered.

"You know why." I shook my head, as he tried to kiss me again,

"I am trying to drive." I shouted at him, pushing him away. He banged his head on the window, and I jumped out of my skin when I heard him shout,

"You will regret that!" I could feel my heart speed up to over one hundred times it's normal rate. I wanted to cry so badly...

He grabbed my hair, and I let go of the wheel in the struggle,

"No Will, I didn't mean to. I am so sorry." Memories came flashing back from all the times before, I was so stupid to think someone could change so much. I started to cry and he grinned,

"Pull over." I nodded, and he let go of my hair, I slowly pulled over and watched him as he got out of the car to open my side, grinning at me.

"Come on." I closed my eyes, I am sorry for whatever I have done to deserve all of this, I didn't do anything wrong, I was a good person. I looked down at the grass as I left the car and my mobile behind...

"What are you going to do to me?" I followed him as he walked ahead of me, his hand in mine as he pulled me forwards with him,

"I will make you pay for everything."

"But I didn't do anything.." I cried, as he yanked me harder, he finally came to a stop when we entered the large woods. I shook my head,

"No, we can talk about this. Let's just get back into the car and talk. Can't we do that instead?" He could hear the panic in my voice, and so could I.

"Please?" I whimpered, he smiled at me,

"I will scream." He laughed loudly, pulling out the gun he had been hiding under his coat all along...

"Where did you get that from? Oh God, Will don't do anything please."

He yanked me harder, further into the woods, with the gun in my back. I had no choice but to go.


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: See last chapter**

**~ Chapter Fifteen ~ **

**~ "& no matter what, she'll still cry tonight." ~ **

~ Emily's POV ~

JJ was an hour late, I wondered what was keeping her. She promised me she wouldn't be late because she wanted to keep everything as quick as possible, she was taking Will to their old house, so he could have somewhere to stay for a little while.

I have tried phoning her ten times already, before the phone stopped ringing.. she had turned it off. I sighed and then shook my head, it was getting late she should be home by now. I started to pace up and down, not sure what to do. I shouldn't panic, she's a big girl, she's my best friend and she can handle herself. Then again she was alone with the man who had beat her and made her feel like crap for so many years.. he could have done something to her, he could have done anything to her.

I decided to phone Garcia, she would be able to trace both of their phones, she had to know where they were. She sighed, JJ was so good at helping people, so good at her job but she was never good at helping herself. She could never see the danger Will was to her, she would protect everyone except herself, and why? Because she didn't feel she needed the help, or maybe because she believed she deserved the help.

Hotch was first there, and I broke down there and then in his arms,

"I told her I would go with her.. why did I let her go on her own?" I sobbed into his shirt as he hushed me, letting me know it wasn't my fault.

"Now she is gone and none of us know where she is, I don't know how to help her."

"I know where she is." Morgan ran in quickly, his phone still in his hand,

"JJ has a GPS system in her car, Garcia tracked it down." I nodded, JJ was going to have to move on from Will, she would have to accept the fact he was dangerous.

"We need to be quick, they have been alone for almost four hours now. He could have done anything to her." I whispered, running out the door, glad to see the rest of our team in their cars.

"It's not your fault, JJ can be so stubborn sometimes." I smiled at Hotch, he always seemed to know the right things to say at times like this.

~ .. ~

I sighed as we came to the woods that they had obviously gone into, I wondered what was happening to her right now, it was almost dark and none of us had any idea where to go. We all walked in with our guns held out, I wondered if she was in pain or if they had actually just gone for a walk. Maybe nothing was wrong and it was all just a huge mistake. But then again she could be laying there in pain... or worse...

We were walking for half an hour before we heard the scream. Morgan and Reid were the first to react, running towards the sound of the scream. They were getting louder and louder, and I knew it was JJ. I could hear her shouting my name as I got closer.. she was in so much pain, JJ hated crying... but right now she was crying out loudly, she was screaming for me to help her and I couldn't even find her. What kind of friend was I? I never should have let her go, I never should have thought he changed, I never should have trusted her usually good judgement. I should have gone there myself just to make sure, I should have gone with her today or picked him up myself. Now look what has happened, look where she is and where we all area. Look at what we are about to do to someone.

Look at what our hatred for one person is going to drive us to do.

Because no matter what, we are all willing to kill him.


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer: See last chapter**

**~ Chapter Sixteen ~ **

**~ "If we stand as one, there is nothing to fear, we will beat the darkness and stay right here!" ~ **

_Soon we came to a clearing and there they were, Will was standing over a now quiet JJ. She was laying on the muddy ground crying and holding her side, he just kept kicking her and punching her and repeating something about her betraying him, leaving him there and letting him stay 'there'. _

_He just kept kicking and hitting her and none us knew what to do. Morgan went into action first, dropping his mobile phone he ran towards Will. They still hadn't been noticed by him. He was too focused on hurting his wife, she noticed though. I looked at her and she looked back at me, her eyes right there and then were full of so much pain and sorrow, I don't think I had ever seen them like that before, even after a nightmare._

_Morgan pounced on Will's back surprising him, he finally got back off when he managed to get his attention. Will turned on him but Morgan was too quick, I watched as they started to fight, he was finally distracted from JJ, I ran towards JJ, helping her off the ground. She whimpered but I had to get her up, we had to do this now. _

"_We have a plan, and it's going to be hard but you have to listen to us okay?" She nodded, I held her up as she could barely stand, _

_"You can't do this any more JJ," Reid whispered, JJ looked at him _

_"You can't go running back to him again, you can't trust him and you have to accept that this is Will and not the drink." He continued, she nodded and looked down at the floor _

_"I know, I am sorry." She whimpered, she sounded so weak and so tired. This had to end now, this was the only chance we were going to get. We told her the plan and she nodded, she closed her eyes and focused herself ._

_"Will!" JJ shouted, I looked at her, surprised at the sudden amount of strength she had in her voice. _

_"Leave him alone" She shouted with equal strength, Will looked at her and then started to walk towards us. _

_"It's me you want, not him" She carried on, she was so strong right then I admired her so much. I knew she was crying and in pain on the inside, but we had to do this. _

_"You're going to be punished." I almost jumped at his voice, he wasn't the Will I remembered, this one was full of evil, and hate. This one was horrible and vile. He was going to pay._

_I nodded at Hotch and JJ shook her head, taking my gun out of my hands, she pointed it right at him, Will jumped back, I looked at he and saw the look in her eyes. She was terrified, but determined. She knew what she was going to do, he started to shout at JJ, she looked at me for a moment and I saw the confusion in her eyes. I just nodded at her and she knew that we had to go on. _

_"I am going to kill you Jennifer!" _

_"You're not going to come anywhere near her, or us" I spoke up and stepped forward,_

_I looked at JJ who stood there with her hand raised, staring at the man in front of her, _

_"I thought you changed..." She whispered as she stepped forward as well, _

_"Whatever! You stupid cow, it's you that does this to me. I swear to God I am going to get you, you are nothing without your little friends. You're a nobody" JJ winced at the harsh words but I shook my head "_

_She's more than you will ever be, she was too scared to fight back before but now she realizes what a pig you are. This is just a warning Detective." _

_"I hate you." She said to him, I smiled. She was finally realizing who he really was. What he could do to her and this was who he actually was, I was glad she saw this. _

_"You deserve to die." She looked evil for a second and I saw what this was doing to her, I knew we had to get revenge but this was going too far. Morgan shook his head at me when I looked at him. JJ stepped forward, right in front of Will,_

_"I am not like you though, I actually care about people. You.. You have no feelings, you have nothing inside of you. You're just a black hole, I can't believe I ever loved you." She got up again and he looked down _

_"I wouldn't kill you, I actually want to have a life after you. But you ain't getting away with this any more. The police will come and visit you soon."_

_She grinned "This is a warning Will, if I see you again or hear from you again it will be a lot worse."_

_"You wouldn't kill me" _

_"Not now no, but there is nothing anyone can say if I claim it's self defence is there? Who are they going to believe William, the wife beater or the respected FBI agent?" _

_"Fine." He muttered, _

_"What was that Will?" I stepped forward to put my hand JJ's shoulder, _

_"I won't try anything again. I will leave you alone!" _

_"That's what I thought you said' Morgan said, walking over to us. JJ shook her head,_

"_Go before we change our mind!" She looked him in the eye and he stumbled up, we all knew what she was like when she was angry, even if none of us had seen it in a while. He ran off into the woods and we smiled at each other. _

_"Thank you so much.." JJ looked at us and we smiled, _

_"No problem. What are best friends for?" I hugged her and everyone else did the same. She started to shake and I rubbed her back, I hugged her tighter as she started to cry, _

_"He won't come back will he?" She sounded so scared and I smiled "_

_He wouldn't dare. Did you see the look on his face? He was terrified. You were amazing JJ."_

_"Thanks, you were as well."_

_"That took a lot of strength" Morgan spoke up as he limped towards us. JJ pulled out of my grip and walked up to him, _

_"Thank you so much.." She cried as she hugged him _

_"Hey what are big brothers for?" He said as he hugged her back,_

_He was going to be gone for ages, she would never see him again. _

_Everything was going to be amazing. _

**~ The End ~ **


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